I can’t even begin to tell you about my Saturday today. I seriously don’t know where to start. Well, let me start by telling you about one of the gay guys from my last post. His name is Anthony and we immediately clicked and have been inseparable since. Plus, he wears a backwards hat ladies and gentlemen. It doesn’t matter whether he’s straight, gay, purple or a gawd damn unicorn… A man in a backwards hat always calls my name. You all know that already.
Since I met Anthony, everything that I have ever planned, has been dismissed and I was convinced to go out. Of course, it doesn’t take too much convincing but gay guys sure know how to work their idea. My parents, sister and the baby fly in today, and I had a lot of preparing to do… And he still managed to get me out. Oh, and what a story that was. Gay resorts, here we come.
As you probably already know, gay guys, lesbians, transgenders, whatever… Whatever you are, like or prefer is absolutely not a concern of mine. I love you for who you are. Yes you, Anthony. So off to some gay resorts, we go. St Petersburg has this place where there’s gay resorts but a massive pool and clubs all connected. No… I did not get in the pool, but it’s a legitimate gay guys central. Pool party. Wheeew!
As I said, gay guys don’t make me uncomfortable one bit. However, the guys couldn’t stop laughing at me because my eyes couldn’t stop moving all over the place. My eyes were going side to side, up, down, crossing, everything. They hurt. There was just so much to see and I didn’t have enough eyeballs to capture it all. Sorry for the pun. I felt like I may have walked into a whole new world. It was fabulous…. And yes, I said that with a twist and gay guys flair. There were so many things popping up and poking and it was just something I never experienced in my life and I loved it. I wish we had more of those back home. We probably do.. Clearly I don’t know about them. There were thongs here, packages there, and don’t even let me start telling you about the hidden dirty tent at the back of the gay resorts. Use your imagination… Now make it 5000 dirtier than what you could ever imagine…. And you’re probably not even close to thinking about what I saw. I guess you had to be there. 
There was this one… Woman… Who was dressed in a wedding gown. Kid you not. No. It was not her wedding. She was part of “God” and heals people for him. She placed her arm on me and started praying. I didn’t know whether to cry, bust out laughing or run. She was so sweet though, but when I finally got back to my table with Anthony, he asked if she calmed me with her healing powers. I exclaimed, “Hell no! She gave me a fracking anxiety attack!” True story. She was a sweet individual and it was cute. God spoke to me today, peeps. Her pose on the other hand, well hell, this girl fluttered her lashes like she was a gawd damn butterfly. … That could be her next outfit. Who knows?
At these gay resorts, it was “Bear weekend”. Whatever that means, right? Well, my darling gay guys began to break down the gay guys lingo so I could understand the gay resorts in St. Petersburg just a tad bit more.
A Bear is a big, hairy cuddly man.
A Wolf is a an older, hairy gay man.
A Otter is a skinny, but still hairy man.
It was a petting zoo, let me tell you!
Needless to say, my gay guys better start taking me to some straight clubs in St. Petersburg or I’m never going to find me a husband. It’s okay, though. As long as I have them my life is more than overwhelmingly delicious.
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