Dating deal breakers are a sure fire way to avoid your time being wasted. We all know that dating for the average Jill is a tough gig or as one of my favourite love quotes goes, “love is a battlefield.” At their worst, relationships can be an absolute minefield of bad behaviour, outrageous forms of communications, broken promises, drama and life-sucking nonsense. On the flip side, when it’s good, we’re so high off our own happiness, our feet scarcely touch the ground. No relationship is perfect, not even Will & Kate’s, but there’s no sense in starting off a potential relationship on the wrong foot, now is there? As a woman that abhors time wasting dating flubs (hey don’t judge, I’m over 30 and incapable of bullshit!) Think of it this way…there are relationship don’t’s and then there’s this list! Here are my top 10 relationship deal breakers:
1) He’s Married…to His Phone
While I realize we live in an age of social media, and our phones have become more of an appendage we can’t live without than an inanimate object, said object is not a substitution for human contact.
2) He thinks nothing about going to an early grave
While it may not be for everyone, for me, smoking and drugs are an absolute deal breaker. I don’t want to make out with someone who tastes like an ashtray, or needs to loose control all the time. Nor can I respect someone for wasting money on something that could put their health and well being (and mine) at risk.
3) Lack of Eye Contact
Hi there, I know my boobs aren’t up here, but if you ever want to get into bed with me, you’re going to have to have a gander at my peepers first! Men who don’t make eye contact, especially during sex, are not connecting. There are issues of intimacy there they need to work on – You may not want to be the guinea pig for that long journey.
4) He tries to edit who you are
A wise man once said, “the people who love you for who you are and not for what you can do for them are the best kind of people.” A good man will never try to alter your being, but rather, strive to be a better man, and make you happy. If you can’t be your goofiest self, or crack your most of lewd jokes, it won’t work.
5) He’s a gym junkie
There is a difference between being fit and being narcissistically obsessed. If your dude is up in the gym pumping iron multiple times a day, snapping selfies and swapping out you time to get ripped, kick him to the curb. Unless it’s a passion you both share, you’ll always be the gym widow pining for his time.
6) He can’t let go of his bitchy best friend
Who voluntarily signs up to go to war with a bitchy best friend? Not me! I once dated this lovely guy who had the best friend from hell. No matter how nice I was to her, she treated me like I was something she’d just stepped in. My guy didn’t have the backbone to stand up for me, so I gave him the pink slip. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
7) His religious background could start an interstellar war
Look, I’m all for love conquering all, but sometimes, a difference of beliefs can create a huge void, especially if you want a future with this person. If he’s sitting in some pew somewhere and you think Sunday is the perfect day to get over a hangover, it may not work. Be open to each other, but be hyper aware of fundamental differences, because the last thing you want is resentment down the road, and relationships are not about sacrificing who one is for the sake of making the other happy!
There’s no room for it in a good relationship, and I’m not talking about slightly skewing the number of shoes you own when he asks you (the shoe collection always has immunity) but fundamental things like money issues, infidelity, job problems, the whole sha-bang! If he all of a sudden starts acting like someone different than when you first met him, lies about little things consistently or has a habit of hiding things, there’s no sense in moving forward.
9) He treats others poorly
You remember that ‘ol adage treat others how you want to be treated? Well, they should add on, even if he treats you like a princess, treating others like they’re subhuman is grounds for immediate dismissal. If there’s one characteristic that people seem to discount when finding a mate, it’s kindness. If he can’t show the Starbucks Barista some love, he’ll never be authentic around your friends and family!
10) He won’t listen
If I could give advice out to all men on planet Earth, it would be to think of listening as they skeleton key to opening all doors: Better sex, less nagging, bigger smiles, lower credit card bills, and all the Poker nights you can handle. If he can’t or won’t listen, he’s not worthy of your time. Let him become someone else’s problem, when he’s waking up alone every night wondering why am I single, he’ll eventually figure it out!