For the past couple months, my friends, family and I have spent one too many times joking about one of my most epic breakups ever. Obviously, it has brought so much laughter to us that I felt the need to share it with all of you as to why it was such a total deal breaker. Prepare to have your abs hurt. Or at least I think it’s that funny.
I’m pretty sure this particular ‘ex’ of mine wants to be a part of some Taylor Swift inspiration love quotes for her next hit. I’ll elaborate on that in just a moment.
Unfortunately, I won’t name who my breakups are with – as you already know. It does get damn tempting to put faces and names to the stories from time to time though. Can you imagine how amazing it would be to call out all the bullshit men – or people in general? Damn my morals. I wish I didn’t care about spilling someone else’s beans online, but I do.
I saw a hilarious handbagonce that read, ‘Don’t piss me off or I’ll blog about you!’
I’m almost certain all Canadian bloggers have felt this way a time or two. So, let me stop blabbing on and finally tell you about the most epic breakup. It really takes the cake.
Again, let me reiterate that this particular ‘man’ really liked Taylor Swift. You will understand why I am telling you this in a couple more sentences.
This breakup that essentially never happened started off like this…
Him: I guess I like to be alone…
Me: Ummm… I don’t know how much more alone you can get since we are 5000 miles apart but point noted.
Do you get the Taylor Swift association now? And I quote…
“We haven’t seen each other in a month
When you… said you… needed space, what?”
Only to have Facebook show that he’s having a damn hay day with all kinds of people, or at the very least – definitely not alone, ya dumb flirt.
7 days passed…
He was still enjoying being ‘alone’.
14 days passed…
Still having a hay day being alone.
21 days passed…
And I think I just experienced a breakup that never happened. So, what do I do? I channeled my inner Russel Brand and shot him a text message. Oh, yeah – a breakup over text!
Apparently I missed the memo on how to make a man desire you… From 3000 kms away.
However, the kicker is – we were probably already broken up. I just missed the memo, I guess. And we have never ever spoke since! I mean, the last message he said was “I guess I like to be alone”. Did he even know he’s single?
We all have a great laugh at this epic breakup story. It’s like the breakup that happened that didn’t happen, but that happened. Wait. I think it happened. Did it happen?
Yeah… One of those. Deal breaker, much?
I would have asked him – but he was too busy being alone. That – or I really didn’t care. (Obviously, the latter).
Jokes aside though, this is a breakup from a very long time, and I have never actually even considered him to have ever been a ‘boyfriend’, but it still brings great joy to my life, my lifestyle blogs – as well as my friend’s and family’s. In fact, I am laughing hysterically just writing about it.
Follow this relationship advice; if you don’t know if you’re together because of the way he treats you (or lack of)… You’tre not.
Have you ever had an epic breakup that was totally out of the ordinary? Share your story in the comment section below.