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Jessica Simpson’s Yellow Vagina Dress?

A fabulous fashion Friday, it has not been for me.

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Want to hear the story? Well of course you do!

So there’s this dress.

Looks like the paper bag princess, right? My old roommate and I actually named it the potato sack.

It has potential though.

Right? Right!!

But this dress wasn’t inexpensive, to say the least.

But that’s not the reason I haven’t been able to part from it.

Alright, so I purchased this Jessica Simpson dress probably more than a year ago, now. It was on sale (I love me some good deals, as you know) and the model looked so damn gawgeous in it. Plus, I was just loving the loose bohemian look of this dress.

I tend to steer clear of too-loose fitting clothes because often, I look like I’m drowning in them. Apparently I didn’t think of this when I clicked on, “confirm purchase” more than a year ago.

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I received this dress, and have put it on probably a thousand times, but always ended up putting it back in my closet – which is where it has hung, untouched for too long.

I mean, it’s a Jessica Simpson dress. What the eff am I doing not rocking this bad boy?

So today, I decided to make this bohemian style dress work, or may it rest in peace in the hands of someone else. Yes, I do truly believe that this is my coldmedication talking because let’s get serious, would I really be able to give such a fabulous piece away, regardless if I never wear it? Probably not.

I tried a skinny belt high, a skinny belt low. A thick belt high, a thick belt low. I tied the fabric, scrunched the fabric, tugged the fabric and swooshed the fabric and nothing ..still, was working. Hell! I even tried blaming it on the shoes and switched to 100 different pairs.

Believe it or not, but I even tried to blame it on my fading Florida tan!

I was absolutely, 100% not willing to admit that this Jessica Simpson dress simply wasn’t for my body type.

Absolutely not!

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That was not happening.

And then this happened.

And I grabbed a cute waist belt, scrunched all the fabric to the front so it was tight at the back (so I don’t look like I’m drowning) and it gave a nice waterfall flow to the front, providing some form fitting curves to the dress.

But here I sit, wondering if it looks like a yellow vagina at the front of my dress instead of a nice flow.

Am I wearing a big yellow vagina!?

What do you think?

Any suggestions?

 

XOXO
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