Oh, Rob Ford. Where do I begin with this one which is going to be one of the best rants of all time? As a Canadian living an hour away from Toronto, I can’t escape the latest shenanigans from this Toronto mayor. Even when I was in Florida, Rob Ford’s fabulous comments and hilarious life quotes were streaming across the television screen, and that’s a big accomplishment for a Canadian politician. When a news story about a Canadian mayor is on American stations and talk shows, that’s a big story. Hey. There’s some good with some bad, right? At least Rob Ford is being turned into a celebrity damn fast. Personally, I find it entertaining… Yet an embarrassment. I’m kind of bipolar with my opinions.
A part of me truly feels bad for Rob Ford. As a Canadian, we believe in seeing everyone as equal and as a nation, we have fought long and hard to get rid of bullying. So it truly rattles me that, for some reason, it’s okay to bully Rob Ford simply for his poor choice of words and actions? Sure, he is a mayor and is expected to remain professional at all times, but at the same time, we do have the freedom of speech, and if he wants to talk about eating kittens, then all the power to him. Maybe he is a step ahead of us and knows that his career is over and he’s just trying to cash in before he simply turs into old news about a notorious Canadian, Toronto mayor. My heart does cringe for him a little bit because once the cameras are turned off, can you imagine what he’s dealing with emotionally? Plus, I’ve always been a sucker for fudgy, pudgy men.
In addition, Rob Ford is making us a laughing stock around the world, but when haven’t we been the center of the world’s jokes? After all, we live in igloos with our sled dogs and order seal meat Big Macs. A drunk, crack smoking, prostitute loving Toronto mayor only proves to the rest of the world the reason for us not evolving with the technology. Well, duh. Our mayor is too cracked out to move us from our igloos into real homes.
I’m not going to lie. Politics aren’t my thing. Thats one of the best jokes in itself. They never have been. Even in grade 10, I was kicked out of my Civics class completely just because I couldn’t pay attention for longer than 5 seconds. Talk about boring! However, Rob Ford has finally made politics entertaining! That’s an accomplishment in itself. I’ve learned more about politics in the past month than I have in my entire life! Some people are all in a huff about having to explain what crack is to their young children as a result of this Rob Ford shenanigans. I’d be more concerned about having to explain to your young children why the Toronto mayor is eating pussycats. Now that could get interested! He has been quite successful as a mayor, so maybe the crack helped. Who knows? What is done is done, and I think he has lost his trust with the majority of people and will never be able to overcome this within the political world, but I kind of praise the man. Plus, I am secretly hoping that he steps down in order to proceed with a career as a comedian. I’d buy tickets to his show. Who’s coming with me? His time as a mayor is over. His time as a comedian, on the other hand, is just beginning!
He has made some significant changes for Toronto, but you can’t trust a man to run the show when he can be so easily swayed to temptation. Crack makes you whack, foo‘… As does streetwalking putty-cats. My opinion? It’s time to face the truth, and he should become a comedian.
Here are my favourite quotes and funny stories from the whacky cracky himself.
About eating pussycats – “I’ve never said that in my life to her. I’m happily married. I have more than enough to eat at home, thank you very much.”
“It’s hard to hide 300 pounds of fun.”
“No one, but no one, is gonna accuse me of having escorts and doing lines at a bar.”
“We all have skeletons in our closet.”
“If you are not doing needles and you are not gay, you wouldn’t get AIDS probably, that’s bottom line… those are the facts.”
“I would’ve supported what they’re (The counsel) doing. If another mayor did what I did, but since it’s me, I have to support myself.”
“What I compare bike lanes to is swimming with the sharks. Sooner or later you’re going to get bitten… Roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks, not for people on bikes. My heart bleeds for them when I hear someone gets killed, but it’s their own fault at the end of the day.”
“I want to call Mayor Britannia in Hamilton and tell him that we’re going to have to spank their little Tiger-Cats”
“There might be a coat hanger left in my closet.”
“I’m telling you, the Oriental people, they’re slowly taking over.”
To the media, he says – “You guys can take a leave of absence.”
“I don’t understand a transgender. I don’t understand. Is it a guy dressed up like a girl, or a girl dressed up like a guy?”
“Cause I am going to kill that fucking guy. I’m telling you it’s first degree murder.” – Maybe he was talking about his crack dealer?
“Have I tried it? Probably in one of my drunken stupors.”
“I am not going to sit here and say I am never going to drink again. That is not realistic.” Sounds like something I’d say.
“Are you some kind of right-wing commie bastard?… Do you want your little wife to go over to Iran and get raped and shot?… Green party fucking rules.”
My conclusion? Become a comedian, Rob Ford. You are absolutely hilarious! Soon, I will be able to use you in a game of Scrabble when I roll a “R” or “F” for the list that calls for, Notorious Figures.
Crack, in fact, makes you whack, Rob Ford, and I am enjoying every moment of it. Please proceed a career as a comedian. I’d pay for this shaz.