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Wedding Etiquette 101

 

Oh, how I have a serious case of the Monday’s today. I spent the weekend celebrating a friend’s marriage, and despite it being absolutely flawless and beautiful, I just can’t say the same for some of the guests who came as a “plus one”.

I noticed that some people “celebrate” a little too much at weddings, which inspired this post that has me going on some hilarious rants. I really don’t care but I thought that this would be a hilarious way to recall the night for one specific individual, and the funny stories and embarrassment that follows.

So,  without further ado…rants, jokes, funny stories, snooki poof, wedding etiquette, 101, embarrassment, grinding, crotch, families, friends, dancing, boyfriends, vagina,

Every female must have wedding etiquette!

Everyone and anyone who was at the wedding that may be reading this is more than likely cracking up from laughter. Seriously. There’s just some things you don’t do at weddings. Why, you ask? It’s called respect – clearly something that some people don’t have nor do they understand. Therefore, to further save anyone the embarrassment of acting like a gawd damn idiot – this post is all of the things that you should never do at a wedding – regardless if you’re at a friend’s wedding, families or strangers.

Comprende?

Oh yeah, if you haven’t guessed – I’m not one to beat around the bush. Some girl’s are idiots and I am more than happy to make this apparent. Well, make it apparent AFTER the wedding which brings me to WEDDING ETIQUETTE #1.

DON’T ever start, indulge or contribute to drama. It’s not your day.

Grinding on everyone’s date except your own is again, not okay.

Actually, grinding period should completely be ruled out at a wedding. You’re at a wedding. You know… families, friends… children!

Putting your Snooki poof in my boyfriends crotch on the dance floor, again, is not okay… ever, let alone at a wedding. And no… it’s not okay for you to do that to her boyfriend, her boyfriend, or her boyfriend either. Actually, it’s never okay for you to do this to someone’s boyfriend, thanks.

Feel free to have fun and drink at a wedding, after all, there is an open bar, but know your limits. Have some respect and cut yourself off when you start falling on your face. Actually, don’t even let yourself get to that point.

Lap dances aren’t okay. Especially on an empty dance floor, with someone who isn’t your date.

If I have to see your vagina bouncing up and down on the dance floor at a wedding, you should remove yourself. Actually, just never accept an invitation to go as someone’s date… ever again.

Don’t sit on everyone’s lap, including your date’s, your date’s best friend, Tom, Dick and Harry. Seriously, there’s a hundred chairs.. it’s a wedding reception… you really couldn’t find one for yourself?!

Lastly, for this Wedding Etiquette 101 – don’t embarrass yourself and just stay home next time. Or even better – just learn about respect; self respect and respect for others.

I was actually thoroughly shocked that some people don’t understand that the moves you pull out at the trashy bar on the corner of King and Uni isn’t okay at a wedding. I mean, I am far from the most reserved person, but there’s a time and a place and you need to learn how to bring it back from time to time. I’m seriously not trying to be mean, I am just writing what everyone else was thinking, or whispering to one another and saving any and everyone from making a joke of themselves at a wedding.

So, to Snooki slutpoof, thank you for inspiring my rants.

I’m sure you’re a sweet person and fun to be around – but I’ll gladly never find that out. First impressions… na mean.

Now, I’ll end this post on a more fluffier note. Yes, I said fluffier.

Being at a wedding makes you think about your life, love and future and when I think about my future, life and love… there’s only one person that I could imagine in it. <3

Awwww cheeeeese!

PS: I hope I didn’t offend anyone during this post – but to be fair, this particular “human creature” offended my eyeballs, as well as everyone else’s.

 

XOXO
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3 Responses
  • Ashley
    June 4, 2012

    I know right? My sister is getting married the end of October and since I’m the maid of honor I’ve been helping her a lot with the planning. Makes me all excited for when that big day comes for me. I do hope it’s with the one I’m with now <3

  • Interesting
    June 5, 2012

    I totally liked the first draft of this post! That very same date danced with my date, and I noted to this one girl who stood beside me:
    ME: “That’s someone’s date, check out her moves…”
    GIRL BESIDE ME: “Well now she’s nobody’s date I bet…”
    Good times.

  • Chantal McCulligh
    June 6, 2012

    hAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA thats all I have to say.

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