There were several things that were for my Wednesday but the main one definitely tied into my life which is why I wanted to bring it all together for today.
What’s for my Wednesday was honesty. You know how they always say that you can’t have a good relationship without honesty? I always said this too, and agreed but never fully understood how important it was until yesterday.
Being 6 months and a world apart from manizzle was difficult. No one can judge him for being cranky on days, and no one can judge me for being insecure on others. No one can understand exactly what it was like and how difficult a long distance relationship can be for us – because it’s different for everyone.
Truth be told, I never thought that manizzle and I would make it. I hoped that we would but never thought that we would due to all the outside drama. You ever watch that show Departures where 3 friends travel, one of them has a girlfriend? It’s interesting to watch the show together, and see the one guy that has a girlfriend, deal with it while he is away. It puts it into perspective for me what it was like for manizzle through our little arguments and confusing times while he was gone. It’s just like, “*sigh* we totally get what he’s going through!” But if you get over the big giant waves while in a long distance relationship, worlds apart – it’ll be so much more worth it when you’re home.
We’re a perfect example – and far from perfect, we are.
The biggest thing for me was Florida. I was so adamant on going to Florida before manizzle got home and if I didn’t go, it would be damn near impossible for me to sit here and comprehend everything that was said and done from the time we said our “cya later’s”, to today. There’s a reason that “i just had to go before manizzle came home!” It was when I was in Florida that I realized how easy it is to get caught up in the moment of sunshine and ocean, and lose all realities and just live. You don’t think about anyone else because you’re in a moment.
I realized just exactly how it was for manizzle. Now, should I leave him for 6 months so he can realize exactly how it was for me? Ha! Who are you kidding? Neeee nuuuu neeee nuuuu.
Seriously though, if it wasn’t for me experiencing that exact feeling – things would definitely not be the way they are today. I would never be able to forgive, forget or understand things that have been or have not been done. But at the same time, it made me appreciate all the little things and efforts that manizzle made because it is so damn easy to simply not care. You’re in a mentality of, “I’ll care when I’m home.” It’s like your life is literally on pause. Nothing else matters. You’re in one moment and no other one exists.
It was impossible for me to understand fully – until I went to Florida and took a walk in his shoes.
And here we are. Travel changes you in a way that is unexplainable. So many of you have said that I seem so happy since Florida and it’s because I am.
I have never been more in love with myself and my life.
I needed this.
Now where does honesty come into play, you ask? Manizzle and I have spent a lot of time since he has been home getting used to one another again in our every day lives, and getting to know the “rejuvenated” side of each other. We have spent lots of time in deep conversation, talking about everything under the sun.
We have had so many conversations full of honesty. It’s hard to be honest because so often, you’re scared of the others feelings and it’s so much easier to be selfish. But we decided that honesty is exactly what has made us the way we are, and we needed to clear the air of all the bad stuff that has happened in our past.
We put our personal feelings and selfishness aside, and spilled the beans about all things imaginable. It was like a detox for the soul. A detox for the brain, really. We washed our hands free of anything negative, and washed our hands free of any wonders and worries and shared things with one another that most couples could probably never do. Well, could probably never do and then kiss, hug and make up afterwards.
A breath of fresh air – that’s what it’s like with manizzle. So many things about him has changed, and so many things has changed about me – and I can honestly say that things have never felt better.
Shed a few tears, shake it off and start fresh.
So the lesson of the day is to always be honest with not only yourself, but the ones that you care about and love. Even though things can be left unsaid, you will always worry or wonder – so clear the air.
What makes the difference is if you can pick up the pieces and put them back together.
It’s surreal to have him back here and it’s so much more amazing to say, that those 6 months apart are over. I’ll roll over in bed and just hug manizzle. I hug him as if it’s the last time I’ll ever hug him again. It feels so unreal to have him back here with me and it feels so amazing.
We made it! The worst is over.
If there’s anything this temporary long distance relationship has taught me, it’s that the strength that we have when we’re together is unbreakable. That’s all I’ll ever need to know.
Now if he tells me he’s leaving for another vacation for that long, I’m hiding in his suitcase. I kid you not.