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My Drunken Outdoor Adventures

Let me catch you up to speed on my St Petersburg Fl outdoor adventures. I am heading back home to Canada next week for a couple of months, (Nephew’s first xmas and birthday!) and then I will be making the official move to St Petersburg FlForevaaaForevva eva? For eva eva? Yes. Forever, and I can’t wait. Finally! But that’s a post for another day, folks! The other weekend (Previous travel blog post) I went barhopping downtown St Pete and picked up tons of girls. I don’t know why, but I find the most awesome people when I’m out, and every lady knows that,

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with!”

So needless to say, I went out with one of my new girlfriends last night and there was plenty to be learned from our outdoor adventure downtown St Pete. Whenever someone asks me who Morgan is, I simply say, “She’s hilarious like me. The things she says are from my mouth. Soulmates. Can’t… Handle… Life…. Without… Her… Kind of girl.” Alas… This is what we learned last night.

Travel Blog Lesson Number One: Don’t Steal Someone Else’s Drink

One of my friends came to downtown St Pete with all of his coworkers last night, and one of them grabbed friend-one’s drink and tried to slam it before they noticed. Little did he know that I put my gum in the drink just seconds prior to this. Yes, I know. I’m disgusting. Well, as his co-worker was quickly slamming the drink, he quickly pulls back and says, “What the fack, man…. There’s gum in my mouth?!” And he pulled my gum out of his mouth which was in friend-one’s drink which happens to be the drink he stole. Ooh, karma is sweet… And my abs hurt from laughing hysterically. Disgusting.

Travel Blog Lesson Number Two: St Petersburg Fl Has Shit Customer Service

Since spending a lot of time with things to do in Florida, I have noticed that the state doesn’t really emphasize customer service. For example, I once had my grocery store girl tell me for 15 minutes about how she was gonna “choke a bitch out.” Her manager was beside her enjoying the story as my jaw was literally on the floor. #Floridaproblems … Honestly! So last night, a bar puts out a sign that reads, “Ladies Drink For Free!” Naturally, I say to my friends, “That’s my kind of bar! Where’s the fine print though? There’s a catch!” The guy working at the bar looks up at me and says, “I don’t like your fucking attitude, or your fucking volume.” I responded, “Have you been hanging out with my ‘boyfriend’ because you sound exactly like him!”  I don’t have a boyfriend, but I thought this would be funny – And it was. Regardless, you would never dare to say that to someone while working, back home and I will never spend my hard earned money at this bar again. Seriously… I think this guy needed to grow some boobies and drink for free because he was anally awful!

Travel Lesson Number Three: Ask Before Touching a Cop’s Horse

Luckily, I was thinking prior to doing last night… Which is very rare for me. Not only was I extremely stoked to see horses in Downtown St Pete, I was even more stoked that I was allowed to touch his big black stallion! But ask first, ladies and gentlemen. Jacob might bite you if you turn your back on the beast. Rawr! Munch! Munch! Oh, and the mane’s of the horses are cut so people can’t pull on them. Who da faq would be so mean and stupid to; one – pull on a horses hair and two – aggressively touch a cop’s horse. Are you stupid or something? I should be a horse hunter… And hunt all those people who hurt my horse… Na mean? There are only two horses in downtown St Pete, and only two officers that ride them. It’s like their police dogs… Only much more massive. Pretty awesome, eh?

Travel BlogLesson Number Four: Don’t Drive At Night in St Petersburg Fl

It’s disgusting. I’m not talking only once in a while someone may have a few drinks and drive. It’s like “a thing” down here… A trend… A cool thing…!! I don’t get it… And what I don’t understand even more is how many people don’t get caught. Personally, I’m not a “Let’s get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone innocent” kind of girl…(There’s still a $50,000 reward for my cousin’s death!) But a lot of people truly don’t seem to care around here. It’s a bandwagon that I won’t be jumping on. I’ll walk, thanks.

Travel Blog Lesson Number Five: Start Early, End Late

For outdoor adventures in Downtown St Pete, you start early and you end hella late so you better have taken a pregame nap because the things to do in Florida will bend you over backwards. Prepare to have a long time of overflowing drinks with a wide variety of different kinds of people. It’s an incredible culture downtown St Pete and as long as you’re kind to others (Minus the guy from Lesson Number Two), they’ll be the same to you. Well, despite the random girl who tried breaking into my bathroom stall as I was peeing, screaming, “YOU STOLE MY PURSE.” Betch…. I just want to pee. I didn’t steal shiiiat. Other than that… People are pretty awesome here. Girls are laid back and super chill (Must be a Florida-Beach Thing) and the guys like to spend their money on your drinks… (And roofies, if you’re not careful!) Long story short… I’ve added more random names to my contact list. To name a few, we have “Blue Eyed Brad”, “Girl with Accent”, “Guy Who Dances,”  and, “Glee Girl”. I’m wheelin‘ bitches. If only I was gay… But at least I have a pretty fabulous collection of incredible friends from St Petersburg FL.

After reading such a weird travel blog post, I have provided you with the most adorable photo of my nephew’s first Halloween back in Canada. This shall help you regain your innocence.

 

 

XOXO
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